The Modern Bride

My name is Vikki Kobasic and I am getting married in September. Unfortunately, having love in my life has made me fat and out of shape. So, when Modern Bride offered to give me some help shedding the weight pre-nuptials, and all I had to do was tell every embarrassing detail about the experience, I jumped at the chance. So, here's every embarrassing detail, peppered with some thoughts on life. Enjoy.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

I was so busy when I got back from London I didn't give it it's propers in terms of my time there. I have some observations I'd like to share.

- There is liberal use of the word ‘Literally’
o Our question to a fella on the street: “Do we go this way to get to X restaurant?” His answer: “Literally.”
o To our hotel maintenance man:
 Us: Is this how you work the shower {while working the shower wrong}
 Him: Literally {from the other room}
- Everyone in London wears tight pants. In the US, most men’s pants sag or fit more loosely (at least in the circles I navigate). In the UK, I saw outlines.
- Pubs in the UK have carpet on the floor. This is just a bad idea. Point proven when a drunken fella stumbled up a set of stairs, spilled his beer all over The Modern Groom’s jacket and the rest on the floor. No one made any move to clean it up all night.
- Men there wear great shoes. The Modern Groom wears nice shoes, but they’re not super trendy. All of London wears shoes like my friend Steve. Steve has many pairs of shoes, and judges others’ shoes. He should live in London.
- Women wear lots of red shoes. In a grouping of five women, three of them will have red shoes on.
- I look like Mary Tyler Moore in London. The humidity is such that my curly hair that blown straight daily says no, and I look like a 70s anachronism.
- I can barely do math in the U.S. I can do absolutely no math in the UK. I could not figure out money or the conversation rate the entire trip.
- Bird callers – While we walked around London, we saw many, many vendors in the streets demonstrating bird callers for sale. I realized two things about bird callers:
o I hate birds. A bird caller would be the worst gift for me ever.
o Even though the salesmen were blowing the holy hell out of these bird callers, there were no birds for miles. We watched for quite a while, and the callers called no birds. London bird callers are actually anti-bird callers and would therefore be the greatest gift for me ever.
- You don’t tip in London, except when you’re expected to tip. But no one knows when that is.
- During breakfast on my second day in town I saw a British mullet. It was a strong mullet that could have held up to US scrutiny. It was the only one I saw during the trip.
- London is 10-15 years behind in music, or they think American’s want to hear music that is 10-15 years old. During the week we heard Ace of Base, Waterfalls by TLC, Regulator, etc. We also heard Dolly Parton and Olivia Newton John, both in a very British bar called “The Kings Arms.” Wacky.
- London makes you blind.
- Falling asleep on a tour bus apparently is fine.

3 Comments:

Blogger Rail-thin said...

You are the funniest motherblogger of all time.

You rule.

So you don't want to release birds at our wedding then?

6:04 AM  
Anonymous CruJones said...

I don't think I "judge" people by their shoes, do I? However, I do rock some pretty sweet kicks from time to time!

8:44 PM  
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3:21 PM  

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